40? really?

i hit the milestone age of 40 today. I really thought i wouldn't handle it very well, i thought i might flip out, maybe buy a sportscar or something. nope. nothing. no depression, no crazy thoughts, it was just another birthday. good, i am really glad that i have come to terms with 40 before it hit.

about 6 months ago i was really worried, and i kept thinking about my last birthday that caused me to really freak out. that would be when i turned 24. i know, 24? seems like a weird age, but it was a hard milestone for me. i really thought that by 24 i would have my life together and have things figured out. but all i really was doing was working a menial job, partying, drinking lots of booze, and going nowhere fast. i thought i would have a career by then at the least! but no, my 4 years of university left me qualified to answer phones, be a barista, or even worse, clean up lots and lots of dog crap. it is easy to say that i felt lost, and i had no idea where i was headed at 24.

16 years later, i am pretty happy with myself and my circumstances. if i would have had a crystal ball at 24 and saw myself now, i don't really know what i would have thought. my ideas of what i wanted out of life were so different then. i did not want kids, i wasn't too sure about marriage, and i thought i would have a career in academia. living abroad would probably be seen as a plus, but i think i would have seen myself somewhere more tropical with a bigger population than little Dunbar. but go through those 16 years between 24 and 40, all the things i witnessed and lived through, my life fits me just fine. just fine indeed, even if i am now only 10 years away from 50.