40? really?

i hit the milestone age of 40 today. I really thought i wouldn't handle it very well, i thought i might flip out, maybe buy a sportscar or something. nope. nothing. no depression, no crazy thoughts, it was just another birthday. good, i am really glad that i have come to terms with 40 before it hit.

about 6 months ago i was really worried, and i kept thinking about my last birthday that caused me to really freak out. that would be when i turned 24. i know, 24? seems like a weird age, but it was a hard milestone for me. i really thought that by 24 i would have my life together and have things figured out. but all i really was doing was working a menial job, partying, drinking lots of booze, and going nowhere fast. i thought i would have a career by then at the least! but no, my 4 years of university left me qualified to answer phones, be a barista, or even worse, clean up lots and lots of dog crap. it is easy to say that i felt lost, and i had no idea where i was headed at 24.

16 years later, i am pretty happy with myself and my circumstances. if i would have had a crystal ball at 24 and saw myself now, i don't really know what i would have thought. my ideas of what i wanted out of life were so different then. i did not want kids, i wasn't too sure about marriage, and i thought i would have a career in academia. living abroad would probably be seen as a plus, but i think i would have seen myself somewhere more tropical with a bigger population than little Dunbar. but go through those 16 years between 24 and 40, all the things i witnessed and lived through, my life fits me just fine. just fine indeed, even if i am now only 10 years away from 50.

being thankful

instead of complaining about not being able to be in the US for Thanksgiving, this year i decided i should take stock of what i am truly thankful for....

1) my health-


i am feeling so much better than i did 6 months ago. when i had my blood test done last week, it came back that the dose of thyroxin that i am currently taking (50mcg) is doing the trick, and that my levels are back to normal. it is great that this one little pill that i take eachday makes me a sane person once again, and i am grateful that at almost 40 years, this is all that i have to deal with health wise.


2) my little nuclear family-


everyday i think about how lucky i am. i have 2 healthy, beautiful girls. Sure, sometimes they drive me to distraction, but i wouldn't sell them off, or even trade them in. i have a great marriage with a super husband. sure, i don't want to sound all pathetic and mushy, but it is true. i really lucked out in the man department. David takes really good care of us, he loves the girls to the moon & back, and he realizes that i have the harder job! what else could a person ask for?


3) my success-


no, i am not a millionaire. no i don't have fame, or some high power career. i am a mom and a wife, and i try to be a damn good one. ihave some blips, but i am trying, and there are no major blips that will cause the end of the human race as we know it. just little times when i lapse, but they i usually apologize for my blip. my success is tied directly into my health. now that i am feeling better, and have more energy, i have become myself again. i am happier, more fun, less stressed, less likely to flip out, and more likely to listen to the needs of my family. what other success could there be than to raise 2 healthy, smart, fearless girls? remember, the revolution begins at home!!!!


4) the internet-


yep, without the internet i would be in pretty bad shape. i miss my friends and family and this vital link makes my life a little easier. what would i do without being able to chat, skype, flickr, email, and facebook?


even though i am sad that i am not at home for Thanksgiving, I can yell "29 more days"! i can't wait to be in the states, even if i am missing all my peeps on the west coast yet again.

egads

about a year ago i posted. also about a year ago is the last time i wrote in my journals. about 3 years ago is the last time i actually wrote something that made me feel like i could have called myself a writer. so excuse me for my lapse, i have been quite busy.

today finds me the mom of a 38 month old Ruby and a 15 month old Esme. you can imagine how busy i am. the only reason i am able to write this is because Ruby and Esme are transfixed by Dora the Explorer at this precise moment. this could change. ruby could decide that she actually wants something for breakfast, or esme could come in wanting up on my lap to pound the keyboard. so don't get too excited about seeing a post here.....

i won't even attempt a year catch-up. if people read this, then please look at our flickr pics to see what we have truly been up to. i have been able to keep pics uploaded regularly, it is really my sunday morning ritual to wake up and post pics while drinking a coffee. those pics speak a million words and they show how good my life is....

for months i was not feeling very well, and i kept being told "well you just had a baby, of course you feel poorly!" but i knew it was more than that. sure i should be tired with my lack of sleep, busy mommy schedule and normal stress... but it was beyond that. i knew it, my body knew it. when esme hit 13 months, i knew the old "new baby" excuse couldn't hold up, and i had pretty much decided that i was either in need of anti-depressants OR my thyroid wasn't working properly. Luckily my doctor listened to me, ran a bunch of bloodwork and found out that it was my thyroid. yep, welcome to the world of hypo-thyroidism! i have a great network of friends, and amazingly a large number of people i know are in the same thyroid boat, so i had amazing resources thrown at me. i have now been on my meds (Levothyroxine + loads of herbs and vitamins) over 2 months, and i feel better. not 100%, but better. my mental health is better, my energy levels are better, my metabolism is better, and i am not as much of a pain in the ass as i have been lately... well that is what david says, and he should know better than anyone.

Ruby is amazing. beautiful, smart, funny, caring. we have had some rough patches navigating through the twos, i won't act like it has always been easy, but she is a very good girl. i think part of it is that we realized we had a highly senstive child so we needed to understand that better. I am glad that we came to that information before she started nursery on August 20th, because it helped to make that transition easier for all of us, and to make sure that we listen to ruby more about what she needs and how she copes with certain situations. She is a conundrum at times, a risk taker who doesn't like lots of commotion in her personal space, noise sensitve but can scream like a hollywood actress, a very social/talkative girl who is very reserved in new situations, who likes to sit back and observe before she joins in... it can be hard-work, but rewarding.

Our little Esme isn't a baby anymore! seeing her sitting next to her sister with crayons in hand, it is remarkable that she is almost a toddler! i say almost because she still will not walk. she can climb anything, go up and down stairs, push the toy stroller and ride on her toy lion... but she will not walk! she is getting better, and we are pushing for her to walk on Halloween! This is just indicative of her nature, she is very laid back and mellow. She is very outgoing, loves music, and likes to joke around. She quickly has won Gratch over, and he is clearly her dog now. She has begun to talk, with her first real word being "that" while she points her finger. so funny!

As for the only man in the house, David is doing fine. Currently he is working on making halloween decorations so we can be that one weird house in all of Dunbar that goes ALL OUT on Halloween. It will be easy, because it isn't like it is in the US when it comes to Halloween. He is using "the machine in the shed" (CNC router) that he built to cut out all sort of spooky shapes. this is of course done after work and after all his dad duties, so he is quite busy as usual.