surely it can't be! half a year since i gave birth? no way!
so, i have been thinking about my life and the past year and how it has all changed and what a crazy and wonderful ride it has been to get to where we are now. there is so much that i have learned in this past year, things that people or books tried to prepare me for, but nothing beats the real-life experience. much of the advice was given by those that love me, but as usual with life, you need to live it to make your own mistakes and to learn it all yourself. so i decided to bore you all with what i have learned in the past year about being a first time mom, if you aren't interested, then stop reading this blog now.....
ok, for all you other people who want a laugh or some actual insight into what my life is like now, here it goes:
What I have learned:
1) get 50 different opinions on everything. Because, there are atleast 50 ways to do things, and it is better to be informed than to guess. You can decide which is best for YOU and YOUR baby after you hear them all, and once you decide no one can tell you that you have no clue what you are doing. Read books about childbirth and being a parent, listen to friends, listen to your mom, listen to your midwife or doctor, go on message boards and then chose what you want to do. parenthood is not a good time to just wing it. when people tell you something that you 100% don't agree with, file it away in your brain so you remember why you chose to do what you are doing. and always remember, most of the people are just trying to be helpful even if you think they are clueless.
2) nothing can prepare you for giving birth, and your birthplan is worth about as much as the paper it is written on. sure there are people who will tell you to have your baby at home, or you MUST go to a hospital, or that modern day delivery is comparable to being raped, but then refer to my first point and say "thanks for your opinion". I had a birthplan that I swore I would stick to, and now when we read over it we laugh at how naive we were! Ultimately you will do what you must do to have a healthy baby in your arms at the end of it all.
3) Be flexible... and i am not talking yoga (although that helps too). Put your baby first and do what is right for them, not what you decided that you would do before you were a parent. Live your life on 'baby time' as much as possible, and take cues from your baby as to what you should be doing from day to day, because it changes daily if not more.
4) Breastfeeding is a bitch, but totally worth it. some people had it easier than i did, but for me it was a huge struggle and i almost gave up. it hurt, ruby had a horrible latch, but it got better. i was told "if it hurts, you aren't doing it right"... total crap. it took me 6 weeks to get it down pat, and i know some people took more -or less- time. most people i know supplement with bottles, and you are not a failure if you have to resort to that. no one should make you feel guilty for not breastfeeding. just try, don't give in, supplement with formula if you must. importantly, breastfeeding is not all about nutrition, it is also about bonding with your child.
5) your body will change. most of us didn't look like Heidi Klum before we got pregnant, and we won't look like her afterwards either. you might get stretchmarks, a linea negra, spider veins, or sag. me, my stomach will never be in a bikini again no matter how much i try to get it there. my body shape has changed slightly since being pregnant, and i am ok with that. i refuse to crash diet to lose weight, because now i have a baby to feed, and a baby to influence with my nutritional choices. i want my daughter to have a healthy relationship with food and eat right. i need to model healthy eating and i don't want her to learn to hate her body.
6) don't buy all the crap they tell you that you must have. there is so much stuff out there that is useless (like wipe warmers), and things that WE personally found impractical (onesies). keep the receipts and tags for everything, because you will want to take things back once you get to know your baby. i knew that i needed to wash the baby clothes before Ruby wore them, but i wish that i washed less of them because we now have clean clothes that were never worn and can't be returned! can't wait for the next nearly-new sale! there are also things that we didn't get that i wish we had, and i am keeping a list for the next baby.
7) it isn't as scarey as you might think. once we got the pregnancy test results, i think we were both nervous about being parents and the level of comitment that entailed. well, mother nature gives you 9 months to get ready for it, and then once you have the baby in your arms, it is all worth it. it is a cliche, but being a parent is the best thing in the world. when i think of Ruby as a teenager, a wave of nausea overtakes me, but i have years of learning before i have to tackle that obstacle. and being a parent is about learning, daily. and loving.... there can never be too many cuddles, too many kisses, too many "i am proud of you"s, too many "i love you"s.... but that is just my opinion, one of about 50 that you should consider.
